Why Does Sabrina Like To Take Pictures?
As I sit in front of my computer right now, I don't really have the slightest idea of what to blog about. Maybe because I've gotten so used to posting pictures and captions by now, that I don't get into the business of writing nowadays. I did post a few entries the past week, in an attempt to cut down on my handphone bill by not taking any pictures at all and hence prevent myself from sending MMS which can be costly... but over the weekend, I couldn't resist the temptation and felt I should be capturing some of the sweet and happy moments that I have in life. Thus, the concert and high tea buffet pics.
Some people have asked me why I always like to take pictures. Some friends in church and some colleagues notice this habit of mine and say (in jest) that I am a zi<4> lian<4> kuang<2>... as in, being obsessed with self (don't know whether this is the right term for it also hee...).
As I look back on my life, I guess the reason why I love taking pictures of things and people (and of course of myself as well) is related to the fact that I never liked being photographed at all when I was growing up as a teenager. When we were little babies, ok, we don't have much of a choice. People think we are cute and will naturally carry us and pose for a photo with us. When I came to the age of 6 or 7, I loved being the centre of attraction. So whenever my mother wants to snap a pic of me with my cousins during festive seasons like Chinese New Year or during birthday celebrations, I would be full of joy and excitement.
However, all that began to change when I turned 11 or 12. Maybe it's got to do with the life stage transition that I was going through at that time... maybe it's due to a rising level of self-awareness in me... perhaps it's due to words or remarks that people have said about me that affected me... or it could be a combination of many factors. But one thing I was sure of then: I just didn't like to be photographed. And even if my mother insisted, I would keep my face straight. Sour-faced I would say. Not even a smile. Or like what Pastor once mentioned in his sermons, looking as though one had been baptized in prune juice!
Well, all I can say is, I wasn't a very happy child throughout my primary school days and the first 3 years of my secondary school life. Life was just full of gloom and doom. Okay, not so much of the 'doom' part but life just felt so heavy and draining. Even after I accepted Christ and became a Christian at the age of 15, I still had that gloomy look on my face when I went to church. Even the picture of my face that appeared on the front of my report book and in my class photos looked so dead that I'm a little shocked beyond words when I look at it now. I think that is something that was learned or conditioned. But since it was so, then it can be unlearned or unconditioned, and it needs to be. So, after attending church for a while, I gradually learnt how to put on a smile when I talk to people and when I have my photograph taken (yes, in my old church we take quite a lot of group photos, so that helped). As for the present moment, I picked up the habit of taking pictures of myself because I want to store up memories of myself when I am happy. I don't know if I still carry remnants of the dull look or sad face which I once had, because I look very solemn and serious when my face is in 'rest mode' hee... but guess I have to make an effort to smile! :)
It really takes a lot of effort to smile... not a fake one, but a genuine one. And I believe it all starts with the heart, on the inside of us: a decision to be happy, for happiness is a choice. Like what the Bible says - A happy heart makes the face cheerful but heartache crushes the spirit. I am not thinking along the lines of putting on a happy face and pretending that all things are going well when times are tough. I believe we don't need to do that. But I'm thinking along the lines of we making a decision to stay positive in our thinking and actions while acknowledging the pain and challenges at the same time. There needs to be a balance.
Dealing with one's own hurts and pain is never an easy thing for anyone to do. It is easier to bury them deep inside our hearts than it is for us to bring them out into the open. Perhaps some of us may feel that bringing them out into the open is like an act of making a deep cut in the flesh and leaving the wounds open. But if our soul is already wounded and our spirit already crushed, then we need healing. We have a wonderful promise from the Bible: God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. God is willing to do that for us because He loves us and He knows we need that. If we are willing to acknowledge our hurts and pain, if we are willing to deal with them, and if we are willing to open up and give them all over to God without holding back, God will definitely heal us and make us completely whole. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Let the joy of the Lord be our strength today :)
As I sit in front of my computer right now, I don't really have the slightest idea of what to blog about. Maybe because I've gotten so used to posting pictures and captions by now, that I don't get into the business of writing nowadays. I did post a few entries the past week, in an attempt to cut down on my handphone bill by not taking any pictures at all and hence prevent myself from sending MMS which can be costly... but over the weekend, I couldn't resist the temptation and felt I should be capturing some of the sweet and happy moments that I have in life. Thus, the concert and high tea buffet pics.
Some people have asked me why I always like to take pictures. Some friends in church and some colleagues notice this habit of mine and say (in jest) that I am a zi<4> lian<4> kuang<2>... as in, being obsessed with self (don't know whether this is the right term for it also hee...).
As I look back on my life, I guess the reason why I love taking pictures of things and people (and of course of myself as well) is related to the fact that I never liked being photographed at all when I was growing up as a teenager. When we were little babies, ok, we don't have much of a choice. People think we are cute and will naturally carry us and pose for a photo with us. When I came to the age of 6 or 7, I loved being the centre of attraction. So whenever my mother wants to snap a pic of me with my cousins during festive seasons like Chinese New Year or during birthday celebrations, I would be full of joy and excitement.
However, all that began to change when I turned 11 or 12. Maybe it's got to do with the life stage transition that I was going through at that time... maybe it's due to a rising level of self-awareness in me... perhaps it's due to words or remarks that people have said about me that affected me... or it could be a combination of many factors. But one thing I was sure of then: I just didn't like to be photographed. And even if my mother insisted, I would keep my face straight. Sour-faced I would say. Not even a smile. Or like what Pastor once mentioned in his sermons, looking as though one had been baptized in prune juice!
Well, all I can say is, I wasn't a very happy child throughout my primary school days and the first 3 years of my secondary school life. Life was just full of gloom and doom. Okay, not so much of the 'doom' part but life just felt so heavy and draining. Even after I accepted Christ and became a Christian at the age of 15, I still had that gloomy look on my face when I went to church. Even the picture of my face that appeared on the front of my report book and in my class photos looked so dead that I'm a little shocked beyond words when I look at it now. I think that is something that was learned or conditioned. But since it was so, then it can be unlearned or unconditioned, and it needs to be. So, after attending church for a while, I gradually learnt how to put on a smile when I talk to people and when I have my photograph taken (yes, in my old church we take quite a lot of group photos, so that helped). As for the present moment, I picked up the habit of taking pictures of myself because I want to store up memories of myself when I am happy. I don't know if I still carry remnants of the dull look or sad face which I once had, because I look very solemn and serious when my face is in 'rest mode' hee... but guess I have to make an effort to smile! :)
It really takes a lot of effort to smile... not a fake one, but a genuine one. And I believe it all starts with the heart, on the inside of us: a decision to be happy, for happiness is a choice. Like what the Bible says - A happy heart makes the face cheerful but heartache crushes the spirit. I am not thinking along the lines of putting on a happy face and pretending that all things are going well when times are tough. I believe we don't need to do that. But I'm thinking along the lines of we making a decision to stay positive in our thinking and actions while acknowledging the pain and challenges at the same time. There needs to be a balance.
Dealing with one's own hurts and pain is never an easy thing for anyone to do. It is easier to bury them deep inside our hearts than it is for us to bring them out into the open. Perhaps some of us may feel that bringing them out into the open is like an act of making a deep cut in the flesh and leaving the wounds open. But if our soul is already wounded and our spirit already crushed, then we need healing. We have a wonderful promise from the Bible: God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. God is willing to do that for us because He loves us and He knows we need that. If we are willing to acknowledge our hurts and pain, if we are willing to deal with them, and if we are willing to open up and give them all over to God without holding back, God will definitely heal us and make us completely whole. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Let the joy of the Lord be our strength today :)
posted by Sabrina at 10:40 PM
1 Comments:
babi, everyone has their fair bit of the gloom and doom and i truly believe you have walked out of that stage! I know you're definitely a happier person now and that we love taking pictures now so many years down the roads we can laugh at how funny we are, snapping all over the place! Never bury any hurt or unhappiness because they are like yeast, will grow wan...share share ok? Hmm..come to think of it, it has been long since we took pics! :P
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